Thursday, January 15, 2009

Happy New Year...... It's late I know but Whatever!

Sooooooooooooo much has happened in the past couple of months and I haven’t really had the time to sit down and think about it all and write it all down. Before you even think about reading this blog post.... ask yourself, do I really want to sit through all of this? Do I have time to read this? Am I ready to read this? If you answered yes to all those questions, feel free to continue. If not, I will post another, more positive post sometime this week. You might just want to wait for that one....

People say that trials happen to make people stronger.... They forget to mention the part where you feel like crap through the process and somehow, YOU, have to make yourself feel better in the end. They should say something like, “Trials will happen.... ONLY if you survive will you be stronger.” So where do I begin??? I really don’t know... Don’t worry Kristin, I won’t write anything that everyone reading this doesn’t already know....lol....

For real though, in October, TJ & I moved because everything didn’t quite work out with the housing situation. Most would be embarrassed to tell people about that but I really don’t care. My husband always says, “It is what it is.” We tried it, it didn’t work, move on. We moved around from place to place for a while and didn’t let our families know that we were basically homeless for a couple of weeks with all of our stuff in the back of our car. We didn’t mention anything primarily because we didn’t really want to be a burden to anyone. Being nomads wasn’t fun..... but TJ and I managed for a while. I truly don’t believe that I could have gone through that experience with anyone else but my wonderful husband. Starving and taking cold showers in the winter while smiling and putting up a front for your family is not something that I would recommend to anyone.... Anyhow, go figure, the time we are struggling, Monty and Kristin move down into the Salanoa’s household. I like to believe that God sent them down because of us. One day, TJ went to visit his family and because I had no gas to go and get him, Monty had to drop him off. I smile thinking back because when TJ got home that night he explained how he tried to prepare Monty the entire trip home because Monty had no idea where he was going. When he finally got to the place where we were staying TJ said, “I don’t think Monty’s ever been to this part of the ghetto.” After he said that, we both just started crackin up. Then, a silent fear came over me because, now.... Someone knew our secret. In a sense, our situation became a reality because someone else knew about it. What would people think? OMG, is my mom going to kill me for not telling her? I almost felt like a little girl who broke her mom’s antique china collection, then starts praying to God, his entire host of Angels, and all of her ancestors that her mom doesn’t notice while her mom walks in slow motion, closer and closer to an empty China cabinet.... After the fear subsided, a big sigh of relief came over me because finally.... someone knew. Sure enough, two days later, TJ comes home and says, “Babe, Monty told mom and dad!” The day after, I felt obligated to tell my mom and dad. Two days after that, we were in the Salanoa living room having one of the MANY “family meetings” that Kristin and Cindy love so much, answering questions about our situation and then, a week later, we moved in... Wholly Hectic!!!...

This is where craziness begins...... are you ready..... one week later, we moved out...lmao... TJ’s parents decided to be honest and weren’t really feelin each other anymore and decided to get a divorce when we moved in. I don’t think that our moving in helped their marriage and my husband still blames himself for their split sometimes but like I mentioned earlier, It is what it is, right? Moving right along, his dad got an apartment the next weekend, and we moved out. Now we stay in a 2 bedroom apartment (up the street) and I finally feel at home.

I only stayed in the Salanoa house for a week or two and even though I knew and felt like I wasn’t wanted in that house, I had fun because I was able to get to know Monty, Kristin, and my wonderful nephews a little better. I was job searching while I was there but I had so much fun. Monty, Kristin, and the boys made me feel so comfortable. Aren't they just so cute...

I learned in a week that the boys love Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and playing Campers.

*Tyler wants to be a Paleontologist when he grows up... Don't ask.... I don't even know what a Paleontologist is....

*Kyle...... oh Kyle..... he’s hilarious.... One night, Sereisa made lamb and Kyle couldn’t bring himself to eat it. He sat at the table for like 5 minutes screaming out, “I don’t want to eat Mary’s little lamb.” Now, I laugh when my mom makes lamb curry because I think of Kyle.

*For anyone who didn’t know, Kory is from New York...lol... He’s got an accent, he's also got one hilarious laugh and looks nothing like a Salanoa. He looks like his grandfather’s mini-me.

*Last but not least is Trey. I like to believe that he has nicknamed me Apple. Every morning when he first saw me he’d be like, “Uh.....Apple!” TJ says I just make Trey hungry when he sees me. I think TJ’s just a hater. Anyhow, living there was fun. That was one incident.... NEXT.... Before I start, thanks for the photo Mona....


December 27, 2008 has officially become one of the most depressing days of my life. At around 2:45 pm, I received a call from Helene’s cell phone. On the other end of the line was Alicia, TJ’s cousin. She said, “Dora, we got in a car accident on the 57. Helene is hurt pretty bad and Wesley is dead!”

Have you ever had a moment where someone was talking to you and then you go into a moment of shock because you’re thinking what just happened, didn’t happen. Then, everything around you starts to get blurry and all you can hear is your heart beat? If you have, you understand how I felt. I was holding my nephew Trey with one hand, a huge rice crispy treat in my other hand, balancing the phone on my shoulder, while listening to my nephew Tyler tell me that his parents will allow him to have a huge piece of rice crispy and that I should allow him to eat it. That’s all I remember before dropping the phone and nearly collapsing. Thank God for Tyler. He grabbed his baby brother and took me to the living room to stare at the Christmas Tree in hopes that looking at would make me feel better. After about fifteen minutes of not knowing what to do, I followed Tyler’s advice and called Kristin who had left to get TJ. Everything after that point was the usual. Everyone finding out, everyone crying, everyone looking for someone to blame, everyone blaming Helene, everyone crying, etc.

I’ve known Wesley for 10 years. The first time I met him was when he came over to the house with Helene and Ammon. My mom and I just happened to be leaving to go grocery shopping when they pulled up so my mom packed us all up in her green explorer and we all went. The first thing that my mom said to him was, “I’m funna go to this farm in Fontana to buy some eggs because they are really chip.” Guarantee me, Helene, and Ammon started crackin up. Wesley started turning red because he didn’t want to laugh in front of my mom. He would always bring that story up every once in a while and laugh at it. Since that day 10 years ago, he became such a wonderful friend. We both at some point in our lives were hated by the in laws. I find it hilarious that one of the reasons we were so close was because no one understood how we felt about our in-laws but us...lol... He was always there when I needed him and no matter if he had no money, he would use any and every one of his resources (i.e. friends, parents, family) to help you out. He was the one who still fellowshipped you to come around even when he was inactive himself. He was such a humble person also. No matter how much you hated someone, Wesley would somehow “accidentally” invite the both of you out for dinner and make you talk it out even if you had to stay till 2 in morning. I love and miss him very much. His death triggered memories of my grandfather. Throughout that week, I would have repetitive dreams of my grandfather waiting for me in the hospital.... only to wake up and realize over and over again that he was gone. My husband was very supportive throughout the week and I thank God every day for him. He was very close with Wesley as well and took it pretty hard but I don’t want to tell everyone that he was a cry baby....lol.... I take comfort in knowing about the plan of salvation. I know that I will see him again. Rest easy Wesley...

All in all, TJ & I are still alive. We are both in school and I am looking for a job in the evening. I started Calculus this week and I love it. Please remind me in about 5 weeks that I love this stuff because I’m sure that in about 5 weeks I’ll be asking myself, WHY? TJ & I also had our first FHE together this past Monday. It was just the two of us. We started laughing when it came time for opening song because we’ve become so used to lip singing when our own families had FHE and couldn’t quite get away with it this time because it was just the two of us. TJ gave the lesson and we discussed our goals for this year and expressed how we felt about each other and our marriage. I thought we communicated well before but it was much better during FHE because you can express so much more and not get mad because somehow, you feel like you’re in a counseling session and the Lord is your counselor.

Things are looking up right now. I hope they stay that way for a while. Wesley is only 5 weeks older than TJ. His passing has been a wake up call for us. It is a new year. Time for new beginnings and the realization that life is too short to let our past negatively influence our future. I love my family.... both immediate and extended. I am grateful for all that they do for me. I’m thankful for my friends and all that they do. I feel very fortunate to have friends who love me through my good times and still claim be through the bad. I love my husband and all that he does for me. I thank him for loving me. I’m grateful for the arguments that keep us real. I’m so very grateful for taking the time to write this blog because I was finally able to express my true feelings. I also want to thank the academy.....lol....j/k.... I’m beginning to sound like I’m accepting an award of some sort so I’m going to stop now. Till next time......

♥Princess